alone in my room i used to stare at the wall
hoping for a clue so i could understand it all
i felt trapped by the past and who i used to be
and scared to unmask what the future meant for me

but before I took the time to look within and self-assess
i moved to New York where i was living in excess
i ran around like a kid in a candy store
overcome with a hunger that demanded more
more food, more wine, more crazy stories
more booze, more time, more chasing glory
the oft-invoked phrase was to live for the weekend
stay afloat for 5 days and then dive in the deep end

this internet age is a maddening one
bombarded with blips of friends having fun
no matter what we do, we feel the need to share it
and we’re wrapped up in a cycle of constantly comparing
we’re pushed to do more by a fear of missing out
so we turn a deaf ear to whispering doubt


false obituary weekend

Regular weekend activities during this initial post-college period. Even if I was having fun, I don’t think I was remembering much of it.


the decision to follow a misguided path
had me numbing myself to hide from the fact
that i was suddenly feeling so unsatisfied
i began to peel back my mask and its lies

a few months in and the honeymoon faded
with each coming day i was growing more jaded
of this indulgent life of fleeting thrills
i came to realize it was time to rebuild

i knew i needed a change but wasn’t sure of the path
so i took a step back in order to look at the map
i wanted to retrace the routes of those who came before
in hopes of finding out what i was placed here for

this internet age is a marvelous time
where you can access so much in the blink of an eye
every night i escaped within a new documentary
trying to make sense of what this life truly meant to me
i decided to study the lives of the greats
to see how they triumphed and dealt with mistakes

one night it was Jiro, a master of sushi
the next it was Eames, a crafter of beauty
I discovered Senna and then Basquiat
whose names live forever despite the short stints they got

Jean Michel was the child who painted his dreams
but grew up too fast and tore at the seams
Ayrton died at the wheel trying to maneuver a bend
a life lived in passion till the absolute end

Robert Nesta Marley was much more than his music
he was a lover, a fighter, and quite simply, a human
Philippe Petit obsessed over an impossible vision
and performed his masterpiece in an incognito mission

when i chose a subject outside biography
it was art or design, like typography
or the amazing mathematics behind origami
which became a quickly adopted but short-lived new hobby


false obituary watch list

A glimpse into the period that I fondly look back upon as my “Netflix and Build”


i got back into reading and met some new heroes
discovering meaning from all different eras

i became quickly inspired by the life of Thoreau
whose lack of desires helped me start to let go
he taught me to cherish the simplest pleasures
and believe that within are the richest of treasures

i was amazed when i dove into Thomas Edison
whose inventions impact every global citizen
he learned in a classroom for less than a year
but achieved great things through a will to persevere

i marveled at the tale of Anthony Kiedis
who always fought back whenever down and defeated
he vividly details his painful addiction
through wild stories that are stranger than fiction
when speaking candidly on a life lived for art
he makes you believe in the power of heart


false obituary reading list

Inspiration for a live well-lived comes in many forms…from a philosopher who abandoned society to live with nature, to the greatest and most daring inventor of all time, to the high-flying frontman of the Red Hot Chili Peppers


after watching and reading about these great lives
i knew it was time to start changing mine

i had motivation but was lacking a plan
when i was blessed with some words from a very wise man
“decisions shape destiny” was when it finally clicked
the state you’re in presently doesn’t have to persist



now you can read all the quotes about living with purpose
but at the end of the day, that’s just skimming the surface
the true power comes when you create new habits
rather than hoping for change, you can start to enact it


i realized that my story had only just begun
and that the most important moment is this here holy one
i was focused and ready to make a new me
no more regretting, i was finally free

you define yourself with each and every choice
the time is now to heed that inner voice
the future is made of individual moments
never forget that it’s you who controls them


being someone you’re not is a waste of energy
the masks we hide behind are our own worst enemy
it’s never too late for you to begin
the truest escape is found deep within

making a change may seem awful scary
but i’m more afraid of a false obituary
that carries my name but doesn’t tell my tale
because I never lived it, too worried i would fail



with love,